The Game of Your Life: Surviving Family Gatherings Edition

The Game of Your Life: Surviving Family Gatherings Edition


We all love our families (in one way or another) but the thought of a family gathering can send shivers down the spine of even the hardiest members of your clan. There’s only one way to survive; play the game.
It’s a familiar tale; mum’s organised a family gathering and in just one short hour until aunties, grandparents, cousins and more descend upon your home. There’s only one way to get through the day and it’s by playing the game of life; gathering edition! Roll up your sleeves, kiss your lucky dice and get ready. The prize is peace and quiet… so we hope Lady Luck is on your side.

​Guess Who with your Grandmother

“You know who I mean… the one with the beady eyes. He wears glasses. Awful breath…”

At any family gathering expect to play a long, laboured, game of guess who. You’re absolutely sure that you have never met this person but your grandmother refuses to accept that you don’t remember the name or the person you met briefly when you were six…

After forty-five minutes, it turns out she’s talking about your uncle Dave (her son)…

Top tip: cheat! Of course you remember what’s his face, how could you forget?

Won the game? Navigate to the kitchen and get prepared for round two…

Passive Aggressive Relation(Ship)

“This trifle is… interesting. What’s in it?”
“Fruit, not that you’d be familiar with that…”

Your auntie and mother are locked in a game of battleships. Whilst your aunt strikes out, your mother responds with a direct hit and sinks her battleship! It’s best to stay out of this one unless you’re prepared to take a hit too. Make sure that your mother gets out of the game alive, pick up the plates and move along to the dining room where you can take part in…

Snakes and Ladders at the Dinner Table

Be careful what you say in this game, one wrong turn and you could find yourself sliding all the way back down to the start! Compliments for mum’s effort; move on up the ladder. Get caught rolling your eyes at Uncle Jim’s storytelling; slither back down that snake and miss out on the extra helping of roast potatoes that were just within your grasp.
Speaking of extras roast potatoes, you forgot about the obstacle in your way; your greedy little brother.

​Hungry Hungry Little Brother

It’s eat or be eaten at your dinner table. Your brother’s busy hoovering up everything in sight so be strategic. Whilst he’s got his hands on the veg, sneak in right under his nose and bag the last roast potato. That’ll teach him!

Dinner’s done. The tables been tidied up and the dishes are soaking. You’re all settling down with a cup of tea and a chat. Just don’t mention any aches and pains in front of your relatives or be prepared for a final game of…

Operation

Mention knee pains and settle in ready for an hour of how you know nothing about pain, and how arthritis will come for you one day.

Whatever you do, be sure to NEVER bring up the hip replacement unless you’re prepared for horror stories from the ward and demonstrations of just how flexible the new hip is…

It’s getting late and the first “well, I’d better shake a leg” comments have been made. Hold tight. In just five short minutes you will have won the game of life! Your home is your own once again. Now where’s the wine..?

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